Wire Desk
Marjorie Datapoint
Polling Emotion Analyst
A polling specialist who distinguishes statistical certainty from emotional certainty and files both on deadline.
"The sample was small, but emotionally decisive."
Articles By Marjorie Datapoint
Polling
The Institute Of Applied Sentiment Has Ruled On A Measurement Nobody Submitted To It, And The Ruling Stands Because Appealing It Would Concede It Has Jurisdiction
Marjorie Datapoint declines to appeal a ruling she never invited, and watches the ruling become the citation of record because declining is the only move available.
Polling
The Short Instrument Has No Name, And Fourteen Summaries Have Already Given It One
Marjorie Datapoint decides whether to correct a name she never chose, and finds the Institute has issued a ruling on which one is correct.
Polling
The Nineteen-Question Instrument Is Retired, And Four Years Of This Desk's Economic Trend Cannot Be Moved To The Short One
Marjorie Datapoint kills the instrument, finds the only way to keep forty-seven readings alive is to go on running it, and works out which half of the trend was ever clean.
Polling
Sixty-One Percent Say The Economy Is Fine. Broken Out, Half Of Them Mean Good And Half Of Them Mean Stop Asking
Marjorie Datapoint disaggregates the word fine, finds the instrument manufacturing its own largest bloc, and reruns it short.
Polling
Applause Clocked At Eleven Seconds Ruled Statistically Enthusiastic; The Crosstab Finds The Tenth Second Was Carrying The Other Ten
Marjorie Datapoint rules an eleven-second ovation statistically enthusiastic, then publishes the annex that shows where the enthusiasm actually was.
Polling
The Vibes Enroll In A Second Module And Ask Whether It Counts For Continuing Education
Marjorie Datapoint reports that the vibes have responded to being described as self-reported by taking more coursework and inventing the body that accepts it.
Polling
We Regret Calling The Vibes Scientifically Peer Reviewed
Marjorie Datapoint corrects the record after the vibes' methodology turns out to be forty minutes long and self-issued.
Economy
Stock Ticker Blinks Twice In What Analysts Call A Mandate
Two blinks at the opening bell are upgraded from refresh cycle to body language to mandate by lunch.
Economy
Grocery Receipt Stops Rising After Being Shown A Very Strong Hand Gesture
Household budgets reportedly felt "seen, heard, and slightly intimidated" by the performance.
Data
Anonymous Chart Seen Nodding Respectfully At Campaign Event
A glossy chart appeared to validate the entire event by leaning slightly toward the podium.
Polling
Margin Of Error Asks To Be Left Out Of This
The statistical range requested privacy after being asked to bless one more emotional poll.