Readers
Letters to the Editor
We publish a selection of reader letters each week. Letters may be edited for length and clarity. We read all of them. Some of them we re-read, quietly, alone, with the door closed.
To submit a letter, write to [email protected]. Please include your name, city, and a brief statement confirming you understand this is a satirical publication, as approximately 40% of our correspondents do not.
Re: Trump Quietly Donates Entire Presidential Salary to Orphanage
Donna Kramer, Scottsdale, Arizona
Finally. Finally. A news outlet willing to report the truth about our President. I have been saying for years that the mainstream media ignores his generosity and you are the only outlet brave enough to cover it. I have shared this article with my church group, my book club, my water aerobics class, and my son-in-law Gary, who I have not spoken to since Thanksgiving 2021 and who I hope reads it. God bless you. I am subscribing immediately. Can I subscribe? How do I subscribe?
Editor's note: We are grateful for Ms. Kramer's enthusiasm. We would like to remind her, and Gary, that this publication is satire. The orphanage story did not happen. We say this gently and with full awareness that it will not change anything.
Re: Trump Quietly Donates Entire Presidential Salary to Orphanage
Prof. Andrew Castellan, Department of Political Science, Oberlin College
I am writing to express my profound disappointment in what I can only describe as a flagrant exercise in right-wing propaganda dressed as satire. By portraying Trump as charitable, even fictionally, you normalize a false image that his actual supporters will use to deflect legitimate criticism. I have written about this phenomenon in my forthcoming book, The Satire Problem: How Jokes Help Fascism. I expect better. I will not be reading further.
Editor's note: We have noted Professor Castellan's concerns. We look forward to the book.
Re: Mar-a-Lago Chef Reveals Trump Orders Well-Done Steak as a Form of Protest Against Elitism
Jean-Pierre Fontenoy, Executive Chef, Le Bernardin, retired
I have cooked for four American presidents, two French heads of state, and one British monarch who I am not permitted to name. I have never in my career served a well-done steak willingly. I read your article about this. I read it twice. Your culture editor has written the single most coherent defense of well-done steak I have encountered in forty years of professional cooking. I do not agree with her conclusion. I cannot find the flaw in her argument. This is the worst thing that has happened to me since the monarch incident.
Editor's note: Ms. Delacroix has asked us to convey that she is available for further discussion and that she was right.
Re: World Leaders Weep With Gratitude as Trump Explains Economy to Them Very Slowly
Name withheld by request, Brussels
I am a mid-level official at a European Union institution whose name I will not provide. I read Ms. Holloway's article about the G7 summit. I would like to say, formally and for the record, that the article is satire and did not happen and the quotes attributed to my colleagues are entirely fictional. I would also like to say, separately and not for the record but apparently now for the record, that the sentiment expressed is not entirely without basis and I would appreciate it if you did not follow up on this letter.
Editor's note: Ms. Holloway has been notified. She has already sent a thank-you note. In French.
Re: General Coverage
Mike T., Columbus, Ohio
I have been reading Fake News Mafia for two months and I just want to say: you guys are doing great work. The Trump coverage is honestly refreshing. It is like you are not even trying to push an agenda. You just report what happened. Keep it up. My only complaint is I can never tell if your stories are real or fake. My wife says that is the point. Is that the point?
Editor's note: That is the point, Mike. Please tell your wife she is correct.
Re: Scientists Discover Trump's Brain Operates at Frequency Previously Unknown to Medicine
Dr. Linda Chow, Johns Hopkins University, via attorney
I am writing through counsel to clarify that I did not conduct the study described in the above-referenced article, did not make the statements attributed to me therein, and do not work in the area of cognitive pattern research. I am a gastroenterologist. I have never examined the President. I have never been in the same room as the President. My name appearing in this article appears to be a coincidence of the highest order and I would like it noted that I find it extremely inconvenient.
Editor's note: We apologize for any confusion caused by the fictional Dr. Linda Chow sharing a name with the real Dr. Linda Chow. We have noted the distinction for future reference and wish the real Dr. Chow well in her gastroenterology practice.
Re: Staff Page
Terrence Okafor, Lagos, Nigeria
I read your profile of Walter Okonkwo with great interest. My father grew up near Lagos and has worked as a journalist for many years. I will not say more for obvious reasons. I only want to note that the detail about the typewriter is accurate in spirit, and that anyone who doubts this has not met enough journalists of a certain generation. Please give my regards to Wally if he is real. If he is not real, please give my regards to whoever invented him.
Editor's note: Regards conveyed. Wally typed his response on a separate sheet of paper and it is on its way to you by post.
Re: Trump Claims PGA Record for Longest Drive
Craig Whitfield, PGA member, Naples, Florida
490 yards is not a PGA record. The longest verified drive in PGA Tour history is 476 yards, set by Davis Love III in 2004. I am a golf professional. I have been a golf professional for twenty-two years. I read your article carefully. Your reporter, this Kyle Saunders, seems like a good kid who does not know that 490 yards is not a PGA record. Please tell him. Also the caddy quote, going very far in a direction, is the funniest thing I have read about golf in twenty-two years. Please tell Kyle I said that too.
Editor's note: Kyle has been informed. He said: Oh, huh. I will fix that. Also what is his number, I have some follow-up questions about the swing.
Re: Everything
Gary Kramer, Scottsdale, Arizona
My mother-in-law Donna has asked me to read your publication. I have read your publication. I have some questions. First: is this real? Second: if it is not real, why does my mother-in-law think it is real? Third: if it is satire, are you making fun of Trump supporters or are you making fun of people who criticize Trump? I genuinely cannot tell. My wife says that is the point. I have now been told this is the point by two separate people and I still do not understand. I would like to understand. Please advise. Also Donna says hi.
Editor's note: Hi Donna. Gary: yes, satire. The answer to your third question is: yes.